1 Hamd

All praise is due to Allah who created us from a single man, and who created his wife from him, and from them, created countless men and women.

All praise is due to Allah who created us as children and as parents so we might experience and get even the slightest taste of his infinite mercy,

I address you all on a sad occasion, the loss of a child for the expecting parents

2 Grief at the loss

Losing a child is indeed a sad occasion and shari’ah has recognized it as such

2.1 The grief of a father

عن أنس بن مالك رضي الله عنه قال دخلنا مع رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم على أبي سيف القين وكان ظئرا لإبراهيم عليه السلام فأخذ رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إبراهيم فقبله وشمه ثم دخلنا عليه بعد ذلك وإبراهيم يجود بنفسه فجعلت عينا رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم تذرفان فقال له عبد الرحمن بن عوف رضي الله عنه وأنت يا رسول الله فقال يا ابن عوف إنها رحمة ثم أتبعها بأخرى فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم إن العين تدمع والقلب يحزن ولا نقول إلا ما يرضى ربنا وإنا بفراقك يا إبراهيم لمحزونون

… at that time Ibrahim (rad) was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Rasulullah ﷺ started brimming tears. 'Abdur Rahman bin 'Auf (rad) said, "O Messenger of Allāh ﷺ, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn 'Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, but we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim! Indeed, we are grieved by your separation." [al-Bukhari]

2.2 The grief of a grandfather

عن أسامة بن زيد رضي الله عنهما قال: أرسلت إحدى بنات النبي ﷺ إليه تدعوه وتخبره أن صبيا لها أو ابنا في الموت ، فقال للرسول : ( ارجع إليها ، فأخبرها أن لله تعالى ما أخذ ، وله ما أعطى ، وكل شيئ عنده بأجل مسمى ، فمرها فلتصبر ولتحتسب...)

"The daughter of the Prophet (peace be upon him) sent for the Prophet requesting him to come as her child was dying [or was gasping], but the Prophet returned the messenger and told him to convey his greeting to her and say: 'Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term [in this world] and so she should be patient and hope for Allah's reward.' She again sent for him, swearing that he should come. The Prophet got up, and so did Sa'd bin 'Ubada, Muadh bin Jabal, Ubai bin Ka'b, Zaid bin Thabit and some other men. The child was brought to Allah's Apostle while his breath was disturbed in his chest [the sub-narrator thinks that Usama added:] as if it was a leather water-skin. On that the eyes of the Prophet (peace be upon him) started shedding tears. Sa'd said, 'O Allah's Apostle! What is this?' He replied, 'It is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and Allah is merciful only to those of His slaves who are merciful [to others].'"
[al-Bukhari]

2.3 The grief of a mother

If the grief of a father can be so much, what about that person who bore the child physically for so many months? Her grief will not be any less than theirs.

3 How are we to behave afterwards

3.1 Patience – Umm Sulaim

3.2 Allah is with the patient

• His help, his protection, his assistance – in worldly, and ukhrawiy matters

4 Reward for a person

4.1 Compensation in this world

4.1.1 Umm Sulaim’s reward – her child Abdullah had nine sons, all who became ‘ulama

4.2 Compensation in the hereafter

4.2.1 They will be an amanah for the parents

رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ: مَنْ كَانَ لَهُ فَرَطَانِ مِنْ أُمَّتِي أَدْخَلَهُ اللَّهُ بِهِمَا الجَنَّةَ، فَقَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ: فَمَنْ كَانَ لَهُ فَرَطٌ مِنْ أُمَّتِكَ؟ قَالَ: وَمَنْ كَانَ لَهُ فَرَطٌ يَا مُوَفَّقَةُ، قَالَتْ: فَمَنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُ فَرَطٌ مِنْ أُمَّتِكَ؟ قَالَ: فَأَنَا فَرَطُ أُمَّتِي لَنْ يُصَابُوا بِمِثْلِ

"Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, 'If any member of my people has two children who die before him (faratan), Allah will cause him to enter Paradise on their account.' Aisha asked, 'And what about a person member of your people who has one child who dies before him?' He replied, 'It does

4.2.2 They will receive a special house in Jannah

عَنْ أَبِي مُوسَى الأَشْعَرِيِّ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: إِذَا مَاتَ وَلَدُ العَبْدِ قَالَ اللَّهُ لِمَلاَئِكَتِهِ: قَبَضْتُمْ وَلَدَ عَبْدِي، فَيَقُولُونَ: نَعَمْ، فَيَقُولُ: قَبَضْتُمْ ثَمَرَةَ فُؤَادِهِ، فَيَقُولُونَ: نَعَمْ، فَيَقُولُ: مَاذَا قَالَ عَبْدِي؟ فَيَقُولُونَ: حَمِدَكَ وَاسْتَرْجَعَ، فَيَقُولُ اللَّهُ: ابْنُوا لِعَبْدِي بَيْتًا فِي الجَنَّةِ، وَسَمُّوهُ بَيْتَ الحَمْدِ

5 Some wisdom of taking a child away

Any time I have seen that Allāh closed a door for me, I have experienced that Allāh had a hidden wisdom in everything that he does.

If he closes a door, it was due to some hidden wisdom that the contents of that door were not good for me and that he would open a better door down the line.

5.1 Presence of some major physical defect

the system of the body puts a stop on further formation – hospitals offer to end pregnancy if the child has a high probability of having down’s syndrome

5.2 Some defect/fault which was only Allāh possessed in his unseen knowledge

5.2.1 Parents of the child in story of khidr (AS) story

وَأَمَّا ٱلۡغُلَـٰمُ فَكَانَ أَبَوَاهُ مُؤۡمِنَیۡنِ فَخَشِینَاۤ أَن یُرۡهِقَهُمَا طُغۡیَـٰنًا وَكُفۡرًا

As for the boy, his parents were believers. We apprehended that he would impose rebellion and infidelity upon them.

فَأَرَدۡنَاۤ أَن یُبۡدِلَهُمَا رَبُّهُمَا خَیۡرًا مِّنۡهُ زَكَوٰةً وَأَقۡرَبَ رُحۡمًا

We, therefore, wished that their Lord would replace him with someone better than him in piety, and more akin to affection.

6 Some concerns of the parents

Such traumatic events will not leave a person, and they will keep playing back in a person’s mind. Questions will keep coming to us again and again…

6.1 Was there something that could have been done to avoid the situation?

There is nothing that could have been done to change the outcome. Allāh created such circumstances that his will would come to pass. He destined what he willed out of some infinite wisdom of his and we cannot even pretend to fully understand it all.

6.1.1 Was there anything we could have done differently?

There is absolutely nothing wrong in analyzing one’s actions and seeing if there was any shortcoming from one’s own side, whether in terms of material preparation, more complete planning, etc.

We are expected to learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of other’s.

6.1.2 This analysis is only for future events and not to mull over the past

If there was some mistake that occurred, some further precaution that we felt we could have taken, that is a lesson we can learn for the future. We can always try to do better, but we should never beat ourselves up over what already past.

6.1.3 Summary of the matter

Once the order of Allāh comes to pass, we can know for sure that what occurred was his will and that there was nothing that could have been done to avoid it. As the hadith states, the word ‘law’ (if only – beating one’s self up over the past) opens up the doors to the actions of Shaytan

6.2 Child will not go through any trials, they will help us in our trials

Every child born is born on islam, and if they leave the world in that state, they have achieved the objective that we all seek – leaving this world with iman

6.2.1 Janazah Dua for children

اَللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْهَا لَنَا فَرَطاً , وَاجْعَلْهَا لَنَا أَجْراً وَّذُخْراً , اَللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْهَا لَنَا شَافِعَةً وَّمُشَفَّعَةً